The Pennymon Doctrine Podcast Episode #67 – PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Malaysia Airlines, NYPD, Dota

The Pennymon Doctrine Podcast Episode #67: Public Service Announcement: Malaysia Airlines, NYPD, Dota

On this episode of The Pennymon Doctrine Podcast: Molly and I say happy birthday to my youngest son, Xavier, on his fifth birthday. We apologize for 2 things: 1. Our cats our in rare form today. 2. Not having Madison Kimrey on the show as promised due to some scheduling issues. We then discuss the Malaysia Flight MH17 that was shot down from 30,000 feet on Thursday, killing everyone on board. NYPD is at it again! Eric Garner, husband of 6 , is dead by the hands of “New York’s Finest” after two officers choke him to death which was captured on video for the world to see, supposedly due to “the sale of untaxed cigarettes.” And finally, we try and figure out why video games are being considered a SPORT on ESPN’s International Dota 2 Championship. We finish up talking about our very own secret FIFA language!

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From Book To Blog… My OVI Turned Spiritual Story

About 9 and a half months ago, I sheepishly, yet with a violent bang (several actually), committed myself to the “OVI Club of Ohio”… So I am told. I have absolutely no memory which is both fortunate and unfortunate.

I am not proud of, nor do I condone drinking and driving, yet this incident has turned out to be one of the most profound and positively life altering moments of my life.  It was meant to happen, regardless of the grounds to which actually led me to the telephone poll that night.

I decided I needed to write about the journey that surrounded around my “OVI.” I am amazed at the warning signs which were flying at me in all directions to which I stubbornly ignored (I am a Leo).  What I also find to be equally uncanny, is the importance and necessity that this night not be a skipped chapter, but in fact the “meat” to my life story.

After writing about 20,000 words with such passion and drive, I again came to a screeching halt: I have had writer’s block since May of this year.

After meeting a new friend in August of whom I believe to be a crucial ingredient in my life at what I call “DUI Camp,” (I love camping!!!) I realized, with his help and experience, that I had been writing my story in nearly perfect blog form. I couldn’t finish writing my book because it is not meant to be finished. My story is piling up turning into an infinite monster of words, feelings, and mind blowing events.

I will shortly present the first piece of my never ending story.  Thank you so very much for reading and supporting my creation.

Death isn’t for everyone: 2.22.13 Epilogue and Part I

Epilogue

I believe it is appropriate that I introduce myself, as you will be spending at least a few hours (for the savviest of readers) reading my story…  this is quite an occasion that I may spend this much time EVER talking (writing I suppose) about myself.   I will tell you in advance that I write as though I’m talking.  So today is Friday February 22nd 2013… and I have decided to write a book.  I am still deciding a title at this time which I do believe is common in the writing world…

My name is Molly Carruthers McIntyre. I must make a quick comment as I know my mom well read this (she isn’t biased or anything), and she will be smiling ear to ear, showing all of her friends that her baby girl is writing for the world to see, but more so that I used my full name! My mom’s maiden name is Carruthers.  She will be smiling even more now because I mentioned her on the first page of this written adventure; which I believe I have been told to write by The Universe.  You make think this sounds silly now, but by the end of this book your ears will hopefully be open listening for your message as well.  Now I will get back on track! P.S. Love you mom.

Yes, my name is Molly Carruthers McIntyre.  No, Carruthers is not your traditional name as Marie, Elizabeth, etc., however when I was a born my mom wanted to make sure that no matter what she could always be sure to have a name connected to me.  I love my name.  I think its very fitting, “Molly” just fits me to a T.  In fact, my Mom and Dad left me unnamed for nearly a week after they brought me home (I was adopted immediately after birth) as they contemplated Missy or Megan as well. Thank you to my Uncle Marc for holding your ground and naming me Molly!

I am writing this because I have had a major life changing incident earlier this week.  I had a epiphany I guess you could say that has led me in the direction which has made me deeply compelled to write about it.  So I thank you in advance for reading about my journey.  I believe that you will enjoy this as much as I intend you to. I do apologize in advance, I have had quite a bit of head trauma which due to my state of mind at the time, was overlooked.  This was apparently my fault. Be lucky I am writing, my speech is quite slurred.

Friday 22 of February 2103

I need to write a book.

I remembered today while out with my wonderful friend Jason, that I died Tuesday morning.  I can’t yet remember all the details, but I do know that I was basically “kicked out” of the “Other Side”  in the most splendid, overwhelming love filled, forceful way.  I am sure glad I’m here though, I’ve got a lot more work to do in this life.  As today has wrapped up, I realized that I needed to write a book.  I have no rough draft, direction, nor story line, however I am sure I will be led in the right direction with each keystroke.

At this time I am 28 years old.  I am a mother to an incredible 7 year old son named Landyn, 2nd shift Charge Nurse at an AWESOME assisted living home, proud mama to a cat named Captain, a Leo, a ruling 5 in Numerology, 2nd oldest of 4 children, in the closure sense- recently single, and I had my first ever court date today. Normally I would be out doing errands, or taking an extremely long nap with no guilt behind it whatsoever… accomplishing “nothing” in some people’s eyes… Absolutely carefree.

Up until a few days ago I was under the belief that I had reached my highest level of spiritual growth and potential with proof thru all of the positive energy while I had been illuminating at work, with friends, and  most importantly, within myself.  I felt as though I had finally “found myself” and was so proud to spread the joy and love that had been flourishing in my soul over the last few months: this bundle of awesome electricity growing in my spiritual womb like a “bun in the oven.”.  Then I caused 2 accidents after leaving one of my favorite local bars early Tuesday morning on the 19th of February; one leaving an innocent girl named Sarah (who was in town from S.C. playing gigs at the bar a few doors down) with a totaled automobile that had been unfortunately parked near mine.  Accident numero dos came after I hit Sarah’s car which resulted with me and an unplanned run in with a particularly sturdy “utility pole” as my ticket reads, which in turn brought my ever faithful 2007 black 4-door Pontiac G6 to its junkyard grave; about 25 ft. from my front door (well my dad, Art, showed me today someone may actually shell out $950 big ones for it! Monday it was worth closer to $8000, but its better than nothing!)

At this point, this is as much of a story to me as it is to you.  Ill begin from where I have today realized  that I have “newly began,” and backtrack or fill in as I go.  I’m remembering more all the time so I thought it may make the most accurate recap of events if I write them daily or as quickly as I remember in novel form- I have always had a gift for writing, and Jan whom I will introduce later advised me to not “second guess myself.” This will make sense shortly.  I do hope this all makes sense, and I do believe it will…  I know the Universe will happily plop an editor or writing guru in my life to give this book a little TLC as well.

The first thing I remember is looking to my left and seeing my sister Alison and her husband of a year and a half Chris sitting next to me in a local hospital ER. This specific hospital is known for specializing in Psychiatric Health.  I was angry, disoriented, agitated, cold… scared.  My head was hurting more than anything I have every felt in my life, although in the moment I guess the best way to put it- I wasn’t sure what pain was.  I was yelling like a drunken sailor at the nursing staff, my words of choice this fine Tuesday morning were ,”fuck off” to anyone and everyone whom was not Alison or Chris.  That may sound funny now, I must admit, I am two days fresh into this and I am having a little chuckle to myself, but this behavior was not normal for me. I used this terrible two word combo in response to anything and everything that they attempted to do or say to me; including my refusal to every test possible, that is until my Guardian angel sister Alison so easily convinced me in her stern yet “deathly afraid of hospital” voice to let them at least get a CT scan of my noggin, I vaguely remember agreeing… which apparently showed no injury.  I beg to differ, I am still not making complete thoughts and I am speaking as if I am drunk.

I’m not.

I remember this being the point when I started to calm down, not because I didn’t want to go to the psych floor, I don’t believe I truly cared nor fully understood what that meant in this moment; however  I told myself to “stay as quiet as possible” because I trusted my sister and her husband.  I am also told that I had spent the last few hours demanding that they come save me from this situation in the hospital (again, no recollection), I even borrowed my the cell phone of a fellow patient to call them… I am shaking my head at myself right now.  Somewhere within all of this drunken sailor mumbo jumbo I remember being told by the nursing staff that I had been in a car accident and also was charged with hit and skip, to which I so kindly responded, “no I didn’t!” as well as topping it off with my favorite two word combo of the night, which I need not write again.

I am a nurse as I mentioned, and I have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for people I my field. Nursing is a job, and boy they sure earned their money with me that morning!  If you are one of the nurses that night/early morning with me in the ER and I have not yet been able to apologize to you in person, I am so very sorry, and I do hope that one day I have the opportunity to get to know you, I am totally embarrassed by my actions.

(to be continued)

Death isn’t for everyone: 2.22.13 Part II

Part II: Friday 22 of February 2103

Come on Molly…

Turn it around now. There is no reason to wait. Time is a wasting.  

I have chosen to stop all the excuses at this point, I have made the decision that I need to “own” my entire situation, and more importantly, embrace it.  I believe that somehow for whatever reason, I brought myself head first into this situation. Pity, frustration, self loathing, pointing the blame, and wondering “why?” aren’t going to make a difference nor are they going to make this situation any better… I have realized that only I can make it better, and that is exactly my plan.

I watched a movie last night called, “The Secret,” which was brought over by my best friend, Ashley.  If you haven’t already, you must watch this movie, and even better, take notes.  “The Secret” discusses the universal law of attraction through several different people’s views via personal knowledge and/or personal experiences.  What is the universal law of attraction? In a nutshell it pertains to the idea that whatever you radiate unto the Universe, the Universe is going to manifest into your life.  Basically, if you want good things to happen, you must to visualize, taste, hear, feel, and smell exactly what it is you seek in an overall positive light.

An example from this movie, “If you are anti-war, instead of being anti-war, be pro-peace.  If you are constantly focusing on anti-war, the world responds to the thought of ‘war,'” which is obviously destructive, unkind, hateful, and my opinion a damn waste of energy, time and money.  Another example; if you do not want to be late yet “always are” and you find yourself putting constant energy into thinking or pointing out to yourself that you are late, getting behind, scared you’re going to be late; whether it be construction, catching every red light, heavy traffic, then best believe my friend, you are always going to be late… and that’s a guarantee.  Instead, don’t even give your mind an opportunity to think about being late, the more you energy you put in on just the idea of being late, then the more often you will be late… The Universe responds to the message that you constantly convey or transmit through your vibrations and energy flow through action and whatever it is going on in that noggin of yours and therefore responds by giving you exactly what it is you verbalize or physically focus on.  What did I take from the movie? Think about what it is you want.  Think about it lovingly and positively.  Only then will you possess exactly what it is that you are seeking.

  After finishing this movie last night I laid in bed quietly while stale tears intermittently rolled down my cheeks and onto my pillowcase as I scolded myself over and over for the mess I had gotten myself into.  My pessimistic self  wondered how much of this could really be true.

 I mean really?

I just think about the good and what I want and I get it?  

Sigh… Had I known this a few years ago… Yeah, actually I am glad I didn’t know about this.  I wasn’t ready. 

I told myself to quit doubting the idea because I can’t afford to not at least try to make things better in whatever way possible.  I decided to make a deal with myself and thought, “tonight I am going to be sad. I am going to cry, and just feel pitiful…  hmm.  Maybe someone will come over to try and cheer me up.  I know it won’t work… but it would be nice if someone would just try.  Tomorrow I will try doing what this movie says to do.  Something positive. I am going to be thankful and happy tomorrow.  Tonight… I shall loathe.

The only lighting in the room was the isolated glow from the screen of my laptop, which was sitting silently next to me on my bed.  My lack of energy and overall misery allowed the 5 minutes needed for the screen (which I zoned in on in a nearly zombie-like state) to change from a dim power save mode to the complete darkness of sleep mode, I didn’t move nor care.  Ultimately the only glow in the room came from small candle placed nearly 15 feet away.   

Then I felt what I can only describe as a nudge from some outside force, literally, directly in the center of my back; it immediately transformed my decided state of depression from laying in a sulking fetal position staring at a black computer screen, to sitting straight up in bed with pure motivation. I picked up a pen that was lying on my nightstand and started to write in my 5 year old empty, unlined leather bound journal of which had been a nightstand fixture for years. Until then I couldn’t bare the thought of tarnishing the beautiful pages. I needed to write.  I needed to write in this journal.  Right now. I needed to “spell out” all of the things I was grateful for, all of the things I want for others as well as myself to achieve. I wrote uplifting statements to encourage myself as well as heartfelt words about all the people in my life that I could think of: loved ones in addition to those I have only recently met. 

I wrote my heart out!

Today after re-reading in proper lighting, my only possible thought is the eyes of my soul must have connected to my right hand and together managed to create a perfectly legible piece of writing. This out pour of appreciation on to paper resulted in 7 pages of joy, love, and heartfelt requests that I have long needed to toss into the Universe including several encouraging words about writing this book.  I think I am focused.

****

This song is playing now as I type.  I love reggae music.  I told my son last Monday as I dropped him off at daycare that I was going to take him to this show in April. That night, well, the following Tuesday morning rather I decided to shake up my life a bit.

This is his favorite song…

“Heart Like a Lion” by Rebelution

“So don’t turn your back on yourself, cause there’s nowhere to run 
You know your life’s ain’t a practice run 
It’s time to wake up you’re mind 
For maybe tomorrow will never come or maybe it will but by then it’s too late uh huh, 
There’s nothing left to do but cry… 
But now you cry but you don’t know why, and now you cry but you don’t know why! 
Oh yeah yeah yeah. 

A heart like lion, a burning like fire 
Waiting just to be set free 
A heart like a lion, a burning like fire 
How can I bear captivity? 

So what you want to be now? Well it’s time to realize 
That everything you need now has been right in front of your eyes yeah 
Don’t point your fingers and blame, remember it’s never too late to change! 
Don’t point your fingers and blame, remember it will be okay!”

I know it will be better than okay.

Part III of 2.22.13 will be posted in a few days.  Thanks for reading!  Please feel free to leave comments or stories of your own!  

Death isn’t for everyone: 2.22.13 Part III

Please read Part One and Two to Understand the Importance of this entry!  Happy Holidays to all my friends!

Part III of 22 February 2013

Prior to Tuesday morning, my primary interest over the last few months consisted of diving further and further into how to develop my Higher Self, whether it be through learning importance of the Chakra System, Universal Laws, numerology, pineal gland studies, healing crystals and gemstones and most recently interpreting but more importantly: believing my dreams.

My current state of metaphysical connection as well as validity of my dreams is in much thanks to my friend Lyndell, whom I will introduce in greater detail shortly. The movement from my dreams being pure “coincidence or strange events” has moved to serious interest and analysis after the third and final break up with whom I thought was the love of my life the day before Thanksgiving 2012.  Until then  I had convinced myself that I was happy as a lamb trotting on the right path, doing the right things, and that everything was going better than well.

I can now say that I know better, but I was not being honest with myself which I can now finally admit. The love I had for him may have been real, my intentions for him were pure, my drive and strong efforts for a never-ending relationship were as genuine as genuine can be, but I had put myself and my WHOLE self on the back burner. I will admit, he did tell me to “worry about yourself” however it was said in a way which I interpreted as “leave me alone.” I eventually took his advice and did just that.

The Universe has a plan.  I left Canton where I had been living with him for the last 2 and a half months (together this time about 10 months and together a year and a half total) and moved myself back to my happy little hippie town of Highland Square in Akron, Ohio… Home sweet home. I was surprised how ready and excited I was to jump into a life with my son as much as he was.

***

I have always had an interest in spirituality, although I haven’t dabbled far into the topic probably because I have had no one in my life to help guide nor even truly be as interested as myself in this topic; that is until recently (Late June 2012) when I met my very future coworker, nurse and great friend Lyndell Huey. She found me unknowingly (yet totally aware- she told me on day 1 our meeting which was “fate”)  Lyndell found me, and swooped me under her wing and hence led me to my current career at the Assisted Living facility to which I am employed.

I am blessed to say that I feel as though I work with long lost family members… another reason I a blessed. Lyndell came off as mentor for me the day I met her and she has ever since given me impeccable direction in my recent study of my own spiritual growth. In fact, after moving from my house in canton post break up in November, she so graciously and selflessly invited Landyn and myself to spend a weekend away, which I did agree.

It was here I believed I experienced an awakening, as well as unconsciously used the strength of my soul to not only allow healing of my heart but to also steer away very negative energy; which in fact was witnessed by someone else in the house. Only this type of encounter could happen with Lyndell! Not only has she has correctly pointed me in all the right directions in this accelerated course of spiritual growth, but she has unknowingly been a supreme nurturer to my soul.

I know she knows how much I appreciate her, but again I must say: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Lyndell should feel like she won the Pulitzer prize as author of Molly as Her Highest Self: A Custom Manual on How to Achieve Molly’s Fullest and Purest Spiritual Potential (non-cheesy version for dummies) Featuring bonus insert entitled “Necessary Tools to get the job done” written in perfect third person of Molly language. Best Seller. Winning!

Lyndell had recently told me about an angel store in nearby Cuyahoga Falls called “Vibes.” This shop is run by a lady named blond haired woman named, Jan.

Lyndell had been unable to recall the actual name, and I had been trying my best to find it through Google without success.

Finally after being smart enough to ask for a general location, Jason and I set out on a Friday within the last three weeks to find this mysterious store that had been “calling” for our presence.

We arrived at the “Riverfront” of downtown Cuyahoga Falls and I parked my car near the three teired fountain which brought Jason several memories of being a a child there with his mother. Even though had we been unable to locate the store, the excitement vibrating from him was enough to make this trip worthwhile. We set out looking for the “angel store,” in hopes that one of the little shops would be “the one.”

It was snowing, windy, and cold. We peered in window fronts to see if any of the stores appeared to be our hidden diamond in the rough. I was having enough with the wind as it beat across my face like a rose stem being whipped across my cheeks and decided to start going in the shops to see if anyone could point us in the right direction.

Finally, a small framed lady running a vintage antique shop told us where we may find our “angel store.”

We quickly walked the short distance and entered our destination with such excitement, as well as gratefulness for the warmth (literally and spiritually) that it radiated.

Jan welcomed us saying, “Can I help you or are you stopping to warm up?”

I smiled so largely I felt as though my grin was as wide as my ears and responded for both of us, as we women do, “We have been looking for you for about 2 weeks, we found you!”

Coincidentally…

After marveling at the items and books in her store and spending nearly an hour chatting with her upon the first day Jason and I had came into to her shop, I remember the amazement and excitement on her face when we finally introduced ourselves. She told us that day that she had heard both of our names.

“How so?”

She found it interesting and exciting that she had put thought into the names earlier that day, and now here we were, standing right in front of her. All three of us stood there smiling…

Jason and I visited her store looking for more tools to deepen our connection with the Universe, angels and our guides, as well as in hopes of finding what we needed to further our mission to unblind each of our “third eye.”

****

My biggest mission of the day was stones for Landyn. I had told Landyn when I had dropped him off at daycare, that I planned on taking him to him to his first concert this spring, as I dropped him off at daycare before I went to work… I had no idea that life was about to throw me a curveball…that night I died.

I found out today “Vibes” is closed Mondays, so we weren’t going Monday with or without a car. I decided I needed to pick his stones out for him. I asked Jan and the other lady working what they suggested for a child, describing his kind, gentle nature, which was not in need for anything for behavior as he is naturally is incredibly balanced, well mannered, and incredibly loving. After making my decision she peered in my eyes and said, “I see a lot of writing, a lot of writing,” as she motioned her hand as if she were writing in mid air.

I commented on how bright my son is and how he is greatly advanced in all areas of his first grade studies, as well as student of the month on several occasions, and his constant praise from his teachers. He is SO COOL.

I have always been an excellent writer, in fact I even commented to Jason before we got in the car to come to her store today that I should finally write a book, and I should write it in regards to this experience. My chosen focus was going to be about what it’s like to take the bus since I have never taken the bus before. I decided this after realizing that the Metro Bus stops literally right in front of my house, which is definitely good to know.

I pondered her statement and continued to look around her store, it sure does give off some good “Vibes.”

We walked around the store again marveling at all of the resources available, especially stones, and herbs for cleansing the home. I glanced up at a shelf on the wall at an assortment of shaped stones and raw/cracked open minerals. It was then I remembered that the first/last time I was in I purchased an amethyst ball, which had mysteriously gone missing after showing it to my son two Monday’s ago before giving a ride to Landyn’s friend and mom when he saw them walking to a bus stop near Walmart in Montrose, located on the other side of town.
I felt drawn to offer a ride even though we were just arriving to Walmart when they were leaving. I called his schoolmates name knowing it would catch his mom’s attention, offered her a ride and she thankfully agreed. We immediately left and drove to Chapel Hill, where they were headed, dropped them off and did our shopping at target and Best Buy instead.

I mentioned to Jan while she and her fellow worker unboxed new items (including small pink elephant figurines of which I meant to purchase one and forgot) that I learned amethyst meant “undrunk.” which I found interesting considering that my other amethyst at home continually moves to other rooms without being touched by me. Not only does the meaning seem significant at this point, but I have not seen my amethyst ball since that day in the car. I have looked everywhere imaginable, including my cat’s favorite hiding spots, with no success. I searched my car several times during the week without success either. I am still pretty bummed, it was beautiful, I could feel the beauty when I held it in my hand and rubbed my thumb over its smooth yet imperfect infinite sides. Although I knew I could by one in the store today, it just wasn’t the same. I feel in my soul that it will show up again. I also feel that it was in my car somewhere, keeping me safe: purple is the color of the angels. She smiled and inquired into that meaning for me to which I responded by looking directly at her with my black eye shining like a labradorite stone, “I had an accident Tuesday that I can’t remember and don’t really want to talk about, I just know everything is going to be ok, and somehow this is going to help me evolve and do great things. I want to be able to connect better with my angels and guides to keep me on the right path.”

I turned my back to her and looked at the bin of stones…

So many colors, shapes, meanings and energies. Jan spoke while I scanned the magical pieces of earth telling me how she was impressed, as she had never heard someone speak with such a positive outlook in this type of situation, and she was so glad I was ok.

I turned and thanked her, I mean truly there is no reason to mope, the only thing I can control is my response and reaction, and life is great! “The outcome is going to be based on my outlook,” I replied. Her brows curled into a semi serious form as though she was concentrating, she spoke: “You need to believe in what you feel, and stop second guessing yourself. You are getting the messages, you just aren’t believing in yourself that they are true.” At this moment I felt that “ball in my throat” as my eyes filled rapidly with those salty tears that I had decided were no longer useful. These tears were different

 

And I then experienced a warm chill that ran from my head to my toes over and over, as do the neon lamp “open” signs that sit in storefront windows pulsating for attention.

I feel like my questions to the angels and Universe are commonly answered, yet I often tell myself that I am incorrect, and steer my spiritual automobile in the opposite direction, such as Monday night when I decided I should stay home and get some sleep, but instead decided that watching karaoke sounded like a more entertaining start to my week.

Not only did I ignore my own self, but ignored my cat’s, Captain, nearly aggressive attempts of batting my legs and running in front of me as I left out my front door. I walked to my car not knowing this was the last time I would drive my Pontiac G6 and arrive safely to a destination- a whopping 1/8th mile away.

Jan apologized for making my eyes swell with tears, but I thanked her, as she was exactly right. Jason was standing to her right leafing through a book that had caught his interest, I across from them…

She then told me with the “serious brow” face that my angels were with me that night, to which I agreed, as yet another tear fell from my eye. I wiped my face and took a deep breath raising my head and looking at the ceiling, as another warm tingle came over my face and poured down the front of my body until it reached my toes. My left ear rang just as it would after listening to music far too loud. Jan then informed me that my angels were still with me in this moment, to which I again donated one more tear to the carpet of her sweet little store.

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The Reality of it all

It’s been quoted a million times, “Life is what happens to you, while your busy making other plans.”

John Lennon, you couldn’t have said it better my friend…

I have not been a lady to say the least the last few weeks, and as much as I hate to admit it, I blame it on my excessive partying with my “semi-close” group of friends.  I do not know what it is about them, but when in this specific groups presence, Molly disappears for a while, and the stand in is less than desirable.

The relationship, or lack there of rather, with my friend of 5 months has been an incredibly enjoyable, productive, hilarious, emotional, and a balancing act to say the least. We have grown in our ideas and dreams, we have manifested everything we have wanted or needed even in times with out any resources.  We have played, laughed, cried and grown in many ways, sailing freely and in rhythm, no expectations, just faith that the Universe will never deliver a gust of wind that we can not handle, because these skippers can handle anything.

“Life” showed up, unannounced, uninvited, unprepared, yet not necessarily unwanted. I am now riding the angry waters in a totally different boat than I am capable of sailing, and I am in it alone, which doesn’t help with all these ropes, sails and raging waves.

Coincidentally and incidentally, I found the dark hole in the sea that I had been told was there all along, yet never imagined I would stumble upon.  I have heard the stories, “Bermuda Triangle”, black holes… all sorts of mysteries of the sea.  I never believed them.  Sure I have heard enough stories repeated over and over that I should be prepared of the strong possibility of truth…

But not me.

Back on land, the Empress of the Sea had made her appearance at a small gathering for a friend yesterday evening.  I had heard the stories, seen pictures, and I too agreed she was a prize to be won.  However I had a stronger belief that the lack of “relationship”  and beauty in the strength of our friendship between my friend and myself would still hold solidity, even in the eyes of the Empress herself.

I am not myself right now, “Life” has taken over me.  Reality has set in.  Coming to terms with the realization that the “Life” which the Universe has dropped firmly into my lap has digressed me from the President, Honorable Friend, and one with a seat at the table to roommate, a title much less attractive than I ever imagined.

All in all the Universe has been good to me, and I have faith that even when “Life” is making things difficult, what’s more important is the path taken to overcome the struggle, rather than the outcome itself.  If my place has changed in the order of respect, I do repent as my actions have angered the waves, but I was not at all prepared to see my fellow mate to show his disapproval in the Universe’s plan by diving starboard into the sea.  Because of me.

So its me, life, and this black hole coming face to face… I can’t save my friend, he has lost faith in me, and my eyes have lost sight of him…

I hope the waters aren’t too rough.

Do I fight and scream that I may be saved?

I am not a fighter.

I close my eyes and believe that the black hole is but an illusion, toying with my insight, for I believe that from darkness comes light… and what better than to bask in the infinite beauty of life.

 

 

 

My true religion

I decided I would do my first “real” blog today (I even put on my big girl pants and everything!) on a topic which is often quite too risqué to talk about with strangers… as you continue to read my posts, I do not believe in “risqué.”  If it’s on my mind, I am going to say it. But, of course only with sincerity and good intentions behind it.  My goal is never to offend or make anyone feel uncomfortable in any way.

I help in a metaphysical shop a few days a week when my extremely busy (sarcasm) schedule allows me to donate a few hours of my time.  If there is one question I am asked most frequently, it would have to be, “Which religion are you?” I do not think people realize the answer awaiting them when they present what they believe to be a question that should be as easy to answer as asking, “What is your name?” In fact, I am sure of it. You could say I am “nameless”. For I will not, am not, and can not be defined by a religion. However, I was not always that way, and I do so very much value what I have learned while growing up dabbling unofficially in so many different religions.

After moving to Akron from Columbus my third grade year (of which I had been attending a public school which was primarily of Jewish population),  I was informed by my non-practicing Episcopalian father and Catholic step-mother that not only was I (whom was baptized Methodist) going to be attending a private school, but an all girls Catholic private school at that.  I was not impressed to say the least in any way, shape, or form.  As an 8-year-old girl, the only knowledge I had been fed about Catholicsm was that Nuns were scary and they beat their students if they misbehaved (thank you Hollywood for the poor correlation).

I was incredibly wrong.  Within my first year at my new school, I believed that my calling in life was to be a Nun.  I spent my weekly allowance at the dollar store with my Grandparents, purchasing nearly all of their Virgin Mary statues as well as animal figurines, especially deer and dogs. I also had one of my first ever life altering dreams of which I was healed of chronic nosebleeds in my elementary school library, as Jesus Himself laid his hands upon my face, which to this day has healed me of this problem.

I have so much appreciation for what I learned growing up Catholic. I have taken what I needed from it, and all other religious teachings, and have followed my own Spiritually Lighted path.

However, at this time in my life, if there is anything that I believe soley when it comes to my spiritual endeavours, I do not believe that we should have to live in fear in regards to living in our most positive spiritual form.  I have done quite a bit of studying into other religions in hopes that I may find one that does not come with a “How to not make it to Heaven” pamphlet.  I am yet to find that religion.

The best way to describe me Spiritually is this: I believe in the power of love.  I believe truly with all my heart that our Universe (yes… Universe) is protected with an extremely loving presence which shines as bright as the brightest star in the sky times infinity. This is the same presence represented as “Him” or “God” in all practicing religions.  I believe that this life we are living on this Earth is our chance to find ourselves in our darkest self.

“Religion” states we are created in the eyes of our beholder, however, if this statement stands true, this means that we are created in perfecton, which I do truly believe is a true statement.

So if we are created in perfecton, that means we were brought in to this world in our purest of states. Perfection is defined as “the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.” Freedom is perfection, and if our all loving “god” created us in perfection, then clearly, we are unable to further our progression to perfection.

We are on this plane, dimension, life, state of mind, to understand our perfection.  The bible, quran, or whatever holy book it is that people read in to, is pointing out the things we already know.  I believe that pointing out negatives promotes fear, and encourages it. As humans, we are programmed to venture into the things that we are clearly told NOT TO DO.  For you parents out there, have you pointed out to your child to not touch something, prior to them touching it, you turn around and what do you find your child doing?  EXACTLY WHAT WE TOLD THEM NOT TO DO. They are not disobeying, they are trying to undersand why they should not be doing it.  Does it makes them bad? No.  Does it frustrate the parent? Absolutely.  However, we are here to understand our perfection through imperfection.

Sidenote, yet extremely powerful point.  My Mom just called and I was telling her about this topic I am writing.  I explained breifly to her that my reason for not reading the bible is that I dislike how the various interpreters depicted the words of our Creator in a way that promoted fear. At that point she yelled at me to, “never say anything like that ever again because God would be very upset at you.”

This, my dear Mother, is the reason I do not shower myself in bible verses. I choose to live the life of Light, not fear. On that note, my religion is love. Its hard to truly define.  When I reach you and you feel it… you will understand.

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